bathing suit

I have been acutely aware that my family is happening all around me.  I could say I've been present to many dynamic moments lately. 

I set off yesterday to buy a bathing suit (more about that later) and I felt excited and nervous at the same time.  I used to swim in a swim club and thought nothing about getting a new suit other than that I loved it and thought I looked great in it.  This time around I am thinking "man, I've had three kids please nobody look at the back of my legs!" This thinking stayed with me until I viewed a film on a blog I follow.  It is called "Birth Markings", I would show it to you through utube but it is private so I will direct you to the blog (Starving Artist) I viewed it on. Just scroll up from the comments and behold the brave women who share their stories.  Birth Markings 

Since watching it I've been super conscious about how I talk to myself about my body.  Amazingly, the voice I use now is gentle and affirming!  I've also started noticing more "gentle" moments all around me.  The girls telling each other cute stories and hugging. 

We sat down to a delicious supper comprised of a waldorf salad put into wraps and I was excited and energetic, I was going to an aquafit class recommended to me by my friend Tara (thanks!) I felt confident and strong even though I was aware of the softer and larger parts of myself that I didn't feel I wanted to expose.  "Who cares" kept running throug my mind, I'm healthy, blessed to have such a warm and loving family and I get to go out with friends and work out!  Yippee!  I was grinning and laughing and couldn't wipe the smile off my face as I was driving home after, I had had so much fun. 

I've recently started drinking at least eight glasses of water each day (one of my goals) and I feel so much more energy, almost like a switch has been turned on and I feel myself thinking more clearly. My trick, I fill two canning jars with water and a little lemon and I drink them througout the day then it's so easy to see when I'm done.  I feel like some things are coming together.  The subconsious is truly amazing.  The bathing suit I chose is a two piece speedo and will come in next week, I can't wait to wear it!

nora's birth story

Nora’s birth story

It took me a long time before I could write this story.  This morning I was tickling Nora and she giggled and laughed with such glee it made me melt with happiness.  I  feel  ready now.

In the evening, the day after my due date,  I felt an urgency to get the last things ready.  My mom came that afternoon to help me wash the floor, do the dishes and other list items that I felt I simply must get done.  Tey helped me put plastic under the sheets on the bed because  I had started having contractions that afternoon.  I kept going and around 10:00 pm that night I was feeling so much adrenaline knowing that this would be the last night being pregnant and worrying about the kids waking up.  (Neka  3 ¾) (Nala 1 ½) I was also filled with the fear of the pain I would need to go through.  My first labour was scary and very painful, I didn’t really know what to expect even though I had read lots.  Because of this I visualized going into and relaxing into the pain with my next labour.  It was amazing.  I reached a place I didn’t know was possible.  I really surrendered myself and found that my body was powerful!  For this birth I watched lots and lots of natural homebirth videos and read soooo many stories but I always kept  coming back to a fear that never seemed to leave me.  I  know now that I was afraid of being too overwhelmed with having three children, I felt that I couldn’t manage.  I faught the feeling because I wanted to have another amazing birth experience.  I wanted a water birth and my midwife was going to bring the pool with her but when I called her at midnight to say things were ramping up and that I was having contractions 5 min. apart for two hours already she let me know that my other midwife had just had her baby that afternoon and that the pool wasn’t ready for me.  I felt sad, this was going to have been one of the ways I was planning on coping with the pain.  She said she was on her way and I stayed on my post, the birthing ball in the kitchen.  Before that I tried to lay in bed and rest but I had to sit up for each contraction and breathe through them, I felt the fear mounting to the point where getting up and moving seemed to make sense. 

After the midwife came I took up a new perch in the living room and swayed and rolled on the ball until the wee hours hours of the morning.  Things felt strong and intense for each contraction but they didn’t get closer together and I was wondering why it was taking so long.  My last labour was 6 hrs.  At around 5:00 am my midwife asked to check me before she headed home for some sleep.  I was 3-4 centimeters and I felt like I still had a long road ahead of me.  She left us with the instructions to call when things heated up.  I alternated between laying on the couch and rocking on the birthing ball until around 7:00 am when the girls woke up and my mom fed them breakfast and got them ready to go out for the day to my sister-in law’s house.  After they left it was just me and Tey and I felt so exhausted and discouraged.  Things seemed to slow down and I felt like I couldn’t lay down because it was uncomfortable,  too much pressure.  I sat in a coma like state, drifting in and out of sleep as each contraction came.  I felt trapped in that time feeling like I would never get out and that I would stay pregnant forever. 

Then around 11:00 am I got up feeling very restless.  I felt like I needed to take charge of this labour and take back my courage that I had given away to fear.  I talked it all out with Tey, telling him how scared I was, how discouraged and how tired I was.  He really listened and affirmed me.  Then I started talking about what I could do.  I was afraid of the really hard part and I didn’t see any progress so I felt like I needed to walk head on into my fear.  I said I would start with a shower, I remembered how comforting a hot shower could feel when I don’t feel good so, into the shower I  went.  Suddenly I felt like I needed to wash my hair, then I had a really hard contraction, I quickly switched to conditioner and in between I had to concentrate really hard.  Instead of my deep moaning I had adopted a puffing that was really focused.  Suddenly my mucus plug came out and then during the next contraction my water broke. Tey called the midwife right away because we saw meconium in the fluid (we know this because this happened with our first daughter and the midwife described that instead of being clear the fluid was green).  From then on the contractions were on top of each other and I called Tey to help me out of the shower but when he came all I could do was hang onto him because I felt the most incredible pressure, my body was baring down.  I have never felt a baby move that fast through my birth canal. 

I was shouting  for Tey to get me out of the shower because it felt like the baby was coming out NOW!  (we have an old shower with sliding doors and I didn’t think Tey would be able to catch the baby!:)  He got me out and I yelled “get me to the bed”  but then after a few steps I yelled “put me down.”  I felt like I couldn’t move, I was doing a full body yell as I dropped to all fours on the bathroom floor.  Then I was sure the baby was coming out any second so I yelled for Tey to grab towels and in the same breath  I yelled for him to get behind me because the baby was coming!  Tey was on the phone with the midwife (she was minutes away) and she said to call the paramedics.  Once  on the phone with them  I was tyring so hard not to push but my body was a machine!  From in the shower already my body was baring down so hard I felt like an observer to myself in action.  Once I got out of the way nature went to work!  I remember yelling “do you see the head?”  I felt the baby right there.  One more push and I reached back to feel the head.  Then Tey yelled “push, push” and I pushed as hard as I could and the baby slithered out into Tey’s hands.  I swung my leg over the umbilical cord and sat down to hold my baby.  She wasn’t breathing for  the first few seconds, I wiped her face with a towel and Tey, with the direction of the paramedics on the phone put the oxygen mask over her  face (The midwife had set everthing up before she left).  Nora came to and started breathing and I kept saying  “hey baby you’re going to be okay we love you”  Our midwife flew in and found us in the bathroom.  (Our neighbor told us later that she raced into our driveway so fast her hubcap flew off!)   She had just gotten the baby and was checking her out when the paramedics also ran in and asked if we needed to transfer to the hospital.  The backup midwife rushed in as well and after our midwife had had a good look she declared that Nora looked good and that we could stay.  Then, not five minutes, later I told the midwife that I had to push and I birthed the placenta.  What a good feeling, finally I was done (almost). 

 After Nora and I were on the bed the midwife saw that I needed stitches for my second degree tear.  Oh not fun!  Having had to do this both times before I gritted my teeth and willed it over quickly.    My midwife helped me to the shower and after I washed  I smiled, it felt great to have freshly washed hair!  Once back in bed I cuddled  my baby.  Later I ate a big bowl of granola with milk, I was revenous and food had never tasted so good!  Tey snuggled in with baby Nora and me.   We just looked at her with wonder.  The midwives cleaned everything up ( I won’t lie, the bathroom was quite a sight!)  Later Nora’s sisters got to meet her for the first time.  Wow, I get teary remembering what a beautiful time that was!  In the end we realized that I had laboured for  12 hours before I got into the shower and then ½ hour later Nora was born.  It reminded me again that when you get to the the stage when you don’t think you can do it anymore the end is near!  I felt great and healed quickly and best of all I now have three gorgeously delightful girls.

S.M.A.R.T. goals

When I used to work for OQOQO, the sister company of Lululemon, we created personal goals and received goal coaching to make them S.M.A.R.T.  This practice is highly effective and I remember excitedly checking goals off my list that had been achieved.  The one I most remember was when our realtor gave us the keys to our first condo. (top floor, third from the left).

S.M.A.R.T Goals are:

specific

measurable

attainable

realistic

timely

for more about S.M.A.R.T. goal setting follow this link top achievement

some of my current goals:)

pregnancy and birth

Both of these videos are so great but until I figure out how to load them directly you'll have to click on the link.  The first one is a slide show of a birth that is beautifully family oriented.  Sarah's blog is another one of my favorites, I have learned so much from her faith and outlook on life.  Enjoy!

http://walkslowlylivewildly.com/category/birth

This fun video makes me smile.  If you are thinking of getting pregnant this is a fun project to undertake while being pregnant:)

http://pacingthepanicroom.blogspot.com/search/label/the%20belly%20pictures%20series

creative moments

Recently I have become intrigued with homemade things.  In the photos below are some things I've created:) Funny, I've learned lots about myself while making each one.  I saw how far I'm willing to go to make it just right, so far I'm a "I think that'll do" kind of crafter:) 

My friend Becky retaught me how to to knit.  My goal was one hat for each of my girls by Christmas!  I love knitting, the moments when you lose your sense of time and all you experience is the rhythm of the stitches as they come together.  My new project is another accordion hat but with purple and green.  The yarn is baby alpaca and it is so soft, I can't wait to have it gliding through my fingers!  I'll post photos when it's done.

love

I have really loved reading these blogs.  Deniseandrade.com (first photo) and soulmama.com (second photo) The relationships in both these blogs are filled with companionship, passion, compassion and a shared walk through life.  It inspires me to see real relationships, ones that have had trials and triumphs!  I am pondering my own relationship.  In May we are celebrating 10 years of marriage.  In that time we have worked through soooo many issues, cried over so many small and large trials and turned back to each other again and again marveling at how amazing love is!  In Tey I find a tender, open and compassionate heart, a touchingly funny spirit and a friendship that grows deeper with time. 

This photo was taken the day after our wedding!

homebirth

I attended a midwife information night at UBC when I first had an interest in becoming a midwife and this film really moved me.  The woman in the film is a Mexican midwife who births at home with her husband!  After the unintentional unnassisted birth of my third baby I immediately sought out this film.  Tey caught baby Nora and and I remember feeling that I'd  never been more proud of him. He and I still marvel at the incredible intensity of those first moments alone with our daughter. 

It's funny, now in my thirties I am searching out things from my childhood.  Bringing close to me memories that are particularly precious.  One day for school (I was homeschooled) my mom brought us outside to explore doing art made with nature. I had a block of paper and wanted to draw dandelions.  I picked all kinds, ones that had tight buds, ones that were huge and open blossomed and others that were already puffs.  With the stems I drew a green stem on my paper and with the flowers I drew the yellow blossom on top.  I remember puffs flying all around me and being amazed that I could draw a dandelion with a dandelion.  Such a beautiful time in my life.
For a short time my brother and I attended a waldorf school and during our time there we learned the beauty of folk tales, how to knit, how to play the recorder and mostly how to live using our imagination! 

art lifestyle

freedom stones

Breaking the Chains of Poverty and Injustice
Freedom Stones is committed to eliminating and preventing human trafficking through livelihoods projects that transform and develop vulnerable communities

I first heard about this amazing organization after listening to a presentation by Kara Ulmer.  Minutes into the talk I said to myself "what can I do to help?" By the end when Kara said that people could help by having home parties I said "sign me up."
A week before the party a box of amazing jewellery showed up.  Each piece made by a woman who's life is being changed by Freedom Stones. My girlfriends and I got together and had a super fun evening eating yummy food and trying on jewellery.  This organization is something I've been looking for, a cause that I believe in fiercely.  This is the piece that I proudly own!  Have a look and see for yourself. http://freedomstones.ws/

home made pizza

Tey got me a pizza stone for christmas knowing that I've been excited to make a home made pizza.  The next step was finding an amazing recipe for the dough, this is where Pinterest came in, yay, a winner once again!  I threw this one together because I had a crying baby who wanted to eat and in laws who would be walking through the door at any minute.  I had flour all over me and my attempt at hand stretching the dough to make the crust was literally that, hand stretching the dough and hoping that it would stay a respectable size so I could put the toppings on.  I has totally harried and almost forgot to put the olive oil around the edges but in the end I sloshed some on and into the oven it went.  See photo below, not bad for my first time:)

This recipe is from Annie's Eats it has great photos and good tips on making this fabulous crust.   http://annies-eats.com/2010/04/29/perfect-homemade-pizza-crust-tips-and-tricks/

Basic Pizza Dough
Yield: enough dough for 2 medium pizzas or 4 calzones

Ingredients: 
½ cup warm water
2¼ tsp. instant yeast
4 cups (22 oz.) bread flour, plus more for dusting
1½ tsp. salt
1¼ cup water, at room temperature
2 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil

Directions:  
Measure the warm water into a 2-cup liquid measuring cup.  Sprinkle the yeast over the top.  In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine the bread flour and salt, mixing briefly to blend.  Measure the room temperature water into the measuring cup with the yeast-water mixture.  With the mixer on low speed, pour in the yeast-water mixture as well as the olive oil.  Mix until a cohesive dough is formed.  Switch to the dough hook.  Knead on low speed until smooth and elastic, about 5 minutes.  Transfer to a lightly oiled bowl, turning once to coat.  Cover with plastic wrap and let rise until doubled in size, 1½-2 hours.

Press down the dough to deflate it.  Transfer the dough to a lightly floured work surface.  Divide the dough into two equal pieces.  Form each piece of dough into a smooth, round ball.  (If freezing the dough, wrap in plastic wrap and freeze at this point.)  Cover with a damp cloth.  Let the dough relax for at least 10 minutes but no longer than 30 minutes.

To bake, preheat the oven and pizza stone to 500˚ F for at least 30 minutes.  Transfer the dough to your shaping surface, lightly sprinkled with cornmeal.  Shape the dough with lightly floured hands.  Brush the outer edge lightly with olive oil.  Top as desired.  Bake until the crust is golden brown, and cheese is bubbling, 8-12 minutes.  

Printed from Annie's Eats

This is how it turned out, yummy til the last scrumptious bite!  This recipe will stay in my kitchen and will be used many times. The only modification I made was use two cups white and two cups whole wheat instead of four cups bread flour.  Feel like you're eating at a pizzeria!

Reading

Reading brings me the most joy that I can muster up in quiet, it has been a friend I have nurtured since childhood.  I have recently started pinteresting for those of you who are aware of this new phenomenon you know how utterly delightful this is! http://pinterest.com/  follow this link and start your own online pinboard with all your favorite things! I found this quote there and it so completely describes my experience with reading. 

Robert Pattinson Quote : "If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.". Hey... I read, just FYI ; )

Recently I read "Winter Garden" by Hannah Kristin and it took me to Russia during the war, I sat long after absorbing how I felt. This moments are ones I quietly cherish.

family

Our little family pod has been growing for four years now. Thinking that I am now the mama of three little girls makes my heart swell.  Neka is funny, full of elaborate stories and is always dancing for the family.  Nala is full of hugs and kisses for the family-she is my cuddler while Nora is always ready for a giggle and drums her arms in a one two one two rhythm that makes us think she will take after Daddy as a drummer. 

I was just watching the girls play "mommy and "baby."  The "mommy" put on my birkenstocks and came over to the "baby" and said "It's ok baby, mommy's here."  Moments like this cause my heart to grow just a little bit bigger. I feel that we are a little tribe, a unit of unique personalities! This is us, our family of five.






Neka is 4, Nala is 2 and Nora is 7 months (approx)

My name is Sascha and this is my husband Tey!



first snow

Nora woke during the night and I looked out the window and saw a winter wonderland, big fluffy flakes were cascading down onto the thick white blanket covering our yard.  I sighed with pleasure still feeling the giddy excitement that comes when seeing snow as a kid.  My first instict was to run outside and feel the flakes land delicately on my face. 
The girls couldn't wait to go outside and after being bundled up they shrieked with glee as they galloped around the yard.  Later, after they'd shed all their wet clothes they warmed up and played with puzzles.  This is the childhood I remember. 

comfort

Yesterday I was reading the book "Get Lucky" by Katherine Center and I got to a certain part where once I started laughing I couldn't stop.  Tears were running down my face and all I would have to do is read another sentence and the fit of laughter would continue.  My stomach was sore once I got to the end of the section.  I was so happy, I was high on oxytocin!
What really struck me later in the book was a wise older woman saying that as women we need to find what comforts us.  The heroine says "what if I don't know what comforts me?"  The woman says "well sweetheart, It's time you found out."  I felt it sit right in the truth center of my heart. 
This morning I found myself being super crabby with my family.  My youngest (6 1/2 month old) had been up crying, feeding and fussing much of the night. I was bleary-eyed and didn't want to be awake yet.  My husband had been super crabby the night before (in his defence he was doing the Master Cleanse, I know a little sympathy right?)  but not this morning.  My feelings were hurt and I just wanted to crawl back into bed but decided a shower would be my subsitute.  Once in the shower I realized I needed to get out of the house for a few hours and my plan was this-- Breakfast at Wendels in Fort Langley complete with a decaf mocha and some reading time. 
I got my earbuds in and put on my P.S I love you soundrack and off I drove. Already I felt so much better.  It was early morning and everything was covered in frost. I felt peaceful but was anticipating my morning all to myself.  My food and mocha were amazing! I am hearing a different beat in my head now, one that is filled with hope and comfort!
I've been wanting to start a blog for a long time.  I feel that the act of writing my thoughts down is cathartic and it allows me to explore more fully how I feel about my life, it also makes me more present.  I want to share what matters most to me.  My story of having three little girls who are so precious to me,  my husband who is the best listener, and the things that I seek out and provide me inspiration and bliss.  I will share my last birth story, what I love on pinterest, my cooking and baking adventures, my discovery of the world of knitting and moments of my life that are both raw and beautiful. 
This will be my corner, my place to express my thoughts, my comfort!